At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize