my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need water and some morals
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
