They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
