I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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