i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
