I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
