I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think I am morally bankrupt
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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