So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
