We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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