We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Are my feet made of real feet?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
