He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
