Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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