a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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