Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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