they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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