im drinking this country out of the recession.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
organizing the empties. That sober.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
God gave him joint rollers for hands
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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