Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
