So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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