Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
