I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
