Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
