I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm just crazy horny about you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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