the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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