She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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