areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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