why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
