This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
