i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
