We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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