no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
