The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
