Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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