I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
