I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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