The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
