You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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