Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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