that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
