Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
