remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
