Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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