I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
