no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Still dying that you shit outside
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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