I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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