it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
