I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i will never coherently bang her
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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