You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
