Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
