I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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