stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
