real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
