Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I am spending my child support on dildos
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
