Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
