Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he fucked my hip out of place.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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