I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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