Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
