is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
