god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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