there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
