I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
