At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize