I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
