I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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