I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
