but the lizard people decide everything anyway
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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