the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize