yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
