i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
