yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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