stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
