how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He better not be in your backpack
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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