i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
