I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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