he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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