My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Operation Purity has been aborted
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
