we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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