We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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