do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
