Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
