just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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