the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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